When was the last time you asked someone if they were ok, and you got back “I’m fine”?
On hearing those words, you knew that “I’m fine” was the last thing they were.
What about you?
Ever caught yourself saying those words or similar?
My bet is we’ve all been on both sides of that conversation.
The reason I raise this is that one of the most common patterns I see of people who are both successful AND fulfilled is that they work hard to create Alignment with those around them,
That’s why I’m calling out the “I’m fine” conversation because we all know that it’s BS.
The traditional model of leading is that on the surface, everything looks stable. You’re delivering, leading, and answering the questions.
Underneath, though, I see people carrying anxiety and quietly hoping no one notices the cracks.
Pretending you’re fine has a cost.
And that cost is misalignment, and that puts a barrier between where you are now and the dual goals of success and fulfillment.
Brené Brown shares a powerful story of a man she met at a book signing who said this about his wife and daughters:
“They’d rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off.”
The message being that we’d rather present a strong image than show our vulnerable side.
Vulnerability can feel like weakness.
Vulnerability can feel like admitting failure.
Vulnerability can shatter the notion that we’re supposed to be tough and have all the answers.
It’s a tough place to lean into.
I think the real prize is alignment.
When we share with people we trust it creates connection, it allows for deeper richer conversations, it builds trust, and crucially it opens the door to much greater alignment.
I regularly see energy being torched because teams (home and work) are misaligned, because they don’t feel safe to share, because they’d rather stay atop the white horse (both men and women).
The cost of misalignment is time wasted on things that aren’t the real issue.
Focus on the real issue and you’ll increase your chances of success. AND you’ll almost certainly be more fulfilled because of the increase connection, trust and depth of relationships on your way to the goals that matter to you.
So here’s the invitation to experiment with this.
🚀 The 1-Minute Experiment: Using AI Only
Open ChatGPT and type this:
Based on everything I’ve said recently, what’s the truth I’m not saying when I tell people ‘I’m fine’?”
If you want to go deeper, ask:
“What’s the cost of me keeping that truth hidden?”
You don’t have to agree with the answer.
Reflect on it and see if there’s anything you can take or learn from it.
⏳ The 5-Minute Experiment: Go deeper than “I’m Fine” for someone
Next time you’re with someone close at home or at work, create some space where you can focus 100% on them rather than what’s going on for you.
Ask, “Hey, how are you really doing? And don’t give me the polite version.”
Then stop talking. Give them space. You’re not there to fix, solve, or compare. Just to listen. Don’t offer any answers (unless they ask). Just listen and acknowledge.
🕰️ The 10-Minute Experiment: Opening Up
Flip it. Choose someone you trust and say:
“Do you have 10 minutes when I can share something with you when you’ve some time?I’ve been carrying something and I’m not sure I’ve said it out loud.”
Then share what’s real for you, just a layer deeper than usual. See what opens up.
Try these experiments and watch what happens next.
My experience is that when we’re real that people lean in, conversations deepen. trust builds and we become more aligned.
That’s where real magic begins, that unlocks success and fulfillment.